You're lost. You're confused. You're tired, tired of searching and searching for a perfect life you will never find. You're trying to find acceptance, but you're digging yourself deeper into your own grave letting your happiness be dependent on something as silly as what others think. You should think how you want to think, but you can't, you don't know what to think because no matter how hard you try you can't seem to find your voice. You're not sure what you're doig, you're drowning in a wave of your own indecisiveness. You seem to have forgotten how to speak, all the life has been sucked out of you. And when you think you've finally found it, that inner voice of yours, you think you know exactly what you want to be. But the ocean of people around washes over you, and your inner sense of knowing yourself goes with it. Gone with the waves, lost at sea, how will you ever find it now? 

           How will you ever know who to be? How can you ever decide what to say when you might say the wrong thing? Do the wrong thing? But let me ask you one more question, what if you do the right thing?

           We constantly stop ourselves. We stop the words from escaping our lips. We stop ourselves from reaching out in fear of falling through.

           Let me tell you something. There were a few people in my life I've known that took risks, dove headfirst into this sea of deciding just who they wanted to be. And they do this everyday knowing that what they say may not come out how they want, knowing that what they do may not be right, but they do it anyways. They do it because they know themselves. And they don't need anyone to tell them who to be. Confidence is so attractive. Find yours.
                                                                                                                           

1AM thoughts

We live in a world where you can choose to be anyone you want
 but we choose to be like each other.
Because we'd rather blend in like sugar in tea,
 but instead we find ourselves feeling like a rock thrown in the ocean

            forever falling,
                 
                       never dissolving.

LOST

           I don't know who I am and that's the cold, hard truth. The actuality of it all is that in trying to grow to be more than just a breath of wasted life, I lost myself completely. It's a confusing reality, the absence of knowing who you are.

Like the cool kids?

            Everyone seems to know exactly who they want to be, from the words that are going to fall out of their mouth to the way they're going to push their fingers through their hair. It doesn't seem like they're second guessing anything about themselves, does it?

"But maybe what I saw as fearless was really just fear under control. Becoming fearless isn't the point, the point is learning how to control our fear, be brave in spite of it."

           All these people can't be fearless, can they? They can't possibly have no fears or doubts or thoughts that constantly tug at their subconscious, pulling them awake everytime they slip away into slumber. Everyone has monsters that crawl under their bed at night, daring them to close their eyes and feel at peace. They pull and tug at your mind and scream "Look at me!" And what else can you do, but think those thoughts over and over again? Everyone has inner monsters that keep them up when all they desperately want to do is sleep. They may walk with an elegance, but somewhere unseen their dresses are torn. And maybe that's the secret to it all. Not being insecurityless, but learning to live with your flaws. Coming to the realization to change what you can, becoming the person you strive to be.

          Beauty in Simplicity

        I’m always in love with the idea of tomorrow. The way my coffee will taste as it warms my cold bones. The words of the gospel are just as healing any other day as on Sunday morning. They can speak to even the most broken parts of you. You may have to be early to rise, but you will have the privilege of seeing the world bathed in the orange glow of the morning rising sun. Strive not to think so much about what you are going to say next, but listen to every word escaping the lips of the person you’re speaking to. As my hair drips of shower water, I will feel more comfortable in my own skin. It’s always easier to feel good about yourself in the morning when your mindset hasn’t been washed negative by not having yet seen all the people you believe to better than you. The human skin can be a hard place to live in.

 

             It’s rare to find yourself in love with today. To realize in a moment that you are so perfectly content. It’s easy to find yourself drained on a daily basis, of energy, motivation, confidence, but never should you be of happiness. You were so happy dreaming about this day yesterday, what happened? You were so happy thinking of how your coffee would taste this morning, but you were in such a rush in leaving that you took it for granted. You were so excited to talk to someone today, but you finally did and the conversation was over before you even realized it started. It’s easy to take things for granted, even when you do realize that there are people around you that weren’t born with such blessings. You could rush through your entire life and never enjoy anything without even realizing the quality of life you’re missing. There will be a day when all your physical self will be is a body in the ground. If you look for the purpose in doing this, just living life on fast forward never stopping to enjoy any of it, you won’t find any. You’ll just find this void of perception, this emptiness that fills your entire self. There’s a beauty to the simplicity in this world. God didn’t make any mistakes in his creations. He made these things so you would be captivated by them, let them absorb into your skin. To keep your eyes full of wonder because if you look for it, you’ll never run out of mystery.